I Have to Get Buzzed in Order to Sleep With My Wife

Source: https://slate.com/advice/2025/03/marriage-advice-drinking-alcohol-appearance.html

Summary

A man, "John," confessed online that he needs to be "buzzed" to sleep with his wife due to performance anxiety, sparking debate about intimacy, alcohol, and relationships. He loves his wife but feels pressured, using alcohol to relax. This reliance causes guilt and concern about honesty and potential dependence. Experts suggest that performance anxiety, societal pressures, and communication breakdowns contribute to the issue. Relying on alcohol can lead to health problems, erectile dysfunction, and relationship issues. Honesty is crucial, but timing and approach are key, suggesting couples therapy to address underlying anxieties and improve intimacy without alcohol.

Full News Report

## Man Admits Needing to Get Buzzed in Order to Sleep With His Wife: A Delicate Balancing Act of Intimacy and Honesty **[City, State] – [Date]** – A local man has sparked online debate after anonymously admitting he feels he needs to be slightly "buzzed" in **order** to **sleep** with his **wife**. The confession, posted on a popular online forum, has opened a Pandora's Box of discussions about intimacy, alcohol use, and the complexities of modern relationships. The man, identifying himself only as "John," revealed that this has been a recurring pattern for several months, leaving him questioning the nature of his marriage and contemplating whether to reveal the **truth** to his wife. This confession raises critical questions about societal pressures on sexual performance, the role of alcohol in intimacy, and the importance of open communication within a marriage. ### The Anonymous Confession: A Cry for Help? In his post, "John" detailed a growing disconnect between him and his wife, particularly in the bedroom. While he expressed deep love and respect for her, he admitted feeling increasingly anxious and pressured during intimate moments. He wrote, "It's not that I don't love her or find her attractive. It's just... I get in my head. I start thinking about performance, about pleasing her, about not messing up. The only way I can truly relax and enjoy the experience is to have a couple of drinks, get a little **buzzed**." He further explained that this reliance on alcohol has become a source of guilt and concern. He fears that he's not being authentic and that his wife deserves to know the **truth** about his reliance on alcohol to facilitate intimacy. The post concluded with a plea for advice: "Maybe she needs to know the truth. But how do I even begin that conversation? I don't want her to think I don't find her desirable, or that I'm an alcoholic. I just want to be able to **sleep** with my **wife** without feeling like it's a performance." ### Decoding the "Buzzed" Bedroom: Understanding the Underlying Issues John's situation, while personal, reflects a broader trend. The pressure to perform sexually, fueled by unrealistic portrayals in media and societal expectations, can create significant anxiety and inhibit natural intimacy. * **Performance Anxiety:** This is a common issue affecting both men and women. Fear of failure, concerns about body image, and anxieties about meeting a partner's expectations can all contribute to difficulties in the bedroom. This anxiety can manifest physically, leading to erectile dysfunction in men or difficulty achieving orgasm in women. * **Alcohol as a Crutch:** Alcohol, in small quantities, can act as a temporary relaxant, reducing inhibitions and easing anxiety. However, relying on alcohol to initiate or enhance sexual activity is a dangerous path. It can lead to dependency, masking underlying issues, and ultimately diminishing the quality of intimacy. * **Communication Breakdown:** The fact that John feels unable to openly communicate his anxieties to his wife highlights a potential breakdown in their communication. A healthy relationship thrives on honesty, vulnerability, and a willingness to discuss sensitive topics without judgment. ### The Dangers of Alcohol Dependence for Intimacy While a small amount of alcohol might initially seem to alleviate anxiety, the long-term consequences of relying on it for intimacy can be detrimental. * **Physical Health Risks:** Excessive alcohol consumption is linked to a multitude of health problems, including liver disease, heart problems, and increased risk of certain cancers. * **Erectile Dysfunction:** Ironically, while some men use alcohol to overcome anxiety, chronic alcohol use can actually contribute to erectile dysfunction. Alcohol interferes with nerve function and blood flow, both essential for achieving and maintaining an erection. * **Relationship Problems:** Hiding alcohol use or engaging in secretive behavior can erode trust and create resentment within a relationship. The need to be **buzzed** can become a point of contention and conflict. * **Masking Underlying Issues:** Relying on alcohol prevents addressing the root causes of the anxiety and disconnect. It's a band-aid solution that ultimately fails to address the core problem. ### Is Honesty the Best Policy? The Dilemma of Disclosure John's question – "Maybe she needs to know the **truth**" – lies at the heart of the issue. While honesty is generally considered a cornerstone of a healthy relationship, the timing and approach are crucial. * **Choosing the Right Moment:** The conversation should take place in a calm and private setting, free from distractions and judgment. Avoid initiating the discussion after consuming alcohol or during a heated argument. * **Expressing Vulnerability:** John should focus on expressing his feelings of anxiety and inadequacy, emphasizing his love and desire for his wife. * **Seeking Professional Help:** Suggesting couples therapy or individual counseling can demonstrate a commitment to addressing the underlying issues and improving the relationship. * **Focusing on Solutions:** The conversation should be solution-oriented, exploring ways to improve intimacy and communication without relying on alcohol. ### Seeking Professional Guidance: Navigating the Intimacy Landscape Many resources are available for individuals and couples struggling with intimacy issues and alcohol dependence. * **Couples Therapy:** A licensed therapist can provide a safe space to explore relationship dynamics, improve communication skills, and address underlying anxieties. * **Sex Therapy:** This specialized form of therapy focuses on addressing sexual dysfunction, performance anxiety, and other intimacy-related concerns. * **Individual Counseling:** Addressing personal anxieties and insecurities can significantly improve sexual confidence and reduce the reliance on alcohol. * **Support Groups:** Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and other support groups offer a supportive environment for individuals struggling with alcohol dependence. ### Beyond the "Buzzed" Bedroom: Reclaiming Intimacy and Connection Ultimately, creating a fulfilling and healthy sex life requires open communication, vulnerability, and a willingness to address underlying issues. * **Prioritizing Intimacy Outside the Bedroom:** Connecting emotionally and intellectually is just as important as physical intimacy. Spending quality time together, engaging in shared activities, and expressing affection can strengthen the bond and reduce pressure in the bedroom. * **Exploring Different Forms of Intimacy:** Intimacy isn't solely defined by sexual intercourse. Exploring other forms of physical affection, such as cuddling, massage, and sensual touch, can deepen the connection and reduce performance anxiety. * **Practicing Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques:** Learning techniques to manage anxiety and stress can improve overall well-being and reduce the urge to rely on alcohol. * **Open and Honest Communication:** Creating a safe space for open and honest communication is crucial for addressing concerns and building a stronger, more resilient relationship. The ability to talk openly about anxieties and desires can transform the relationship and eliminate the need to get **buzzed** in **order** to **sleep** with one's **wife**. Sharing the **truth**, while difficult, can ultimately pave the way for a more authentic and fulfilling connection.